White Columns Funeral Home Obituaries Blacksburg Sc

Alright, folks, gather 'round. I've got a tale to tell you about a certain White Columns Funeral Home in Blacksburg, SC. Now, don't go getting all somber on me, this isn't one of those 'life is short' spiels. No, this is a story about obituaries, yes, but with a twist. A sprinkle of humor, a dash of surprise, and a whole lot of 'you won't believe what I just read'.

Obituaries: The Original Social Media

First things first, let's give credit where credit's due. Obituaries, they're the original social media. Before we were all sharing our breakfast on Instagram, people were sharing their lives, their passings, in the local paper. And let me tell you, some of them were way more entertaining than your average cat video.

Meet the Stars of the Show

Now, White Columns Funeral Home, they've got a knack for obituaries. They're not your average 'beloved husband, father, and friend' affairs. No, these are stories. Tales of lives lived to the fullest, and then some. Let me introduce you to a few of the stars of the show.

There's Evelyn, who passed away at the ripe old age of 102. Now, Evelyn was no ordinary centenarian. She was a dancer, a singer, and a flapper in her younger days. She even had a brief stint as a burlesque dancer. Yes, you read that right. This sweet little old lady was once a burlesque dancer. I mean, talk about hiding your light under a bushel!

Then there's Harold. Harold was a man of many talents. He was a farmer, a veterinarian, and a magician. Yes, you heard that right too. He'd perform magic tricks at the local VFW. I mean, who needs a rabbit when you've got a room full of veterans, right?

Obituaries: The New Comedy Club

But it's not just the lives these folks led that make White Columns' obituaries so entertaining. It's the writing. Oh, the writing. It's like they've taken the art of obituary writing and turned it into a comedy club routine.

Take Mabel, for instance. Her obituary read, "Mabel was a woman of many talents. She could cook, clean, and make a mean martini. She was also a champion bingo player. She once won so much, the bingo hall had to close early because they ran out of money." I mean, come on! That's comedy gold!

Obituaries: The New Travel Guides

And then there are the obituaries that read like travel guides. Like the one for Bertha. It read, "Bertha loved to travel. She'd been to every state in the US, and even a few countries. Her favorite place? The restroom at the Welcome Center in North Carolina. She said it had the best views." I mean, who needs TripAdvisor when you've got obituaries like that?

Obituaries: The New Self-Help Books

But it's not all laughs with these obituaries. Some of them are downright inspirational. Like the one for Henry. It read, "Henry was a man who knew what he wanted. He wanted to live to be 100. He didn't make it. But he came close. And he lived every day like it was his last. He said, 'I didn't get to 100, but I sure as hell lived like I was going to.'" I mean, that's some serious life coaching right there.

Obituaries: The New Tinder Profiles

And then there are the obituaries that read like Tinder profiles. Like the one for Lila. It read, "Lila was a woman who knew what she wanted. She wanted a man who could make her laugh, who could dance, and who could cook. She found him. They were married for 60 years. She said, 'He could dance, but he couldn't cook for shit.'" I mean, if that's not a swipe right, I don't know what is.

Obituaries: The New Bedtime Stories

So, next time you're looking for a good laugh, or a good cry, or a good story, don't go scrolling through your social media feed. No, turn to the obituaries. They're the original social media, the new comedy club, the new travel guide, the new self-help book, the new Tinder profile. They're the new bedtime story. And they're a whole lot more entertaining than your average cat video.

So, here's to White Columns Funeral Home, for turning the art of obituary writing into an art form. For turning the end of a life into the beginning of a story. For making us laugh, making us cry, and making us remember. That, my friends, is something worth writing home about.