What To Say To Someone Who Loses A Family Member

Alright, picture this: You're at a party, minding your own business, when suddenly, someone sidles up to you with a face like they've just found out their pet goldfish has gone to the big fishbowl in the sky. They've lost a family member. Now, you're not a monster, you want to help, but what do you say? Here's a little guide, with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of surprising facts, to help you navigate this tricky situation.

First Things First: Don't Be That Guy

You know the one. The guy who says something so insensitive, it makes the Grinch look like a saint on Christmas morning. Avoid these gems at all costs:

• "At least they're in a better place now." Unless you're talking to a hardcore atheist, this is usually taken as a suggestion that their loved one was better off dead.
• "I know how you feel." Unless you've been through the exact same thing, you don't. So, zip it.
• "They're finally at peace." Again, unless you're talking to someone who believes in reincarnation as a giant potato, this might not go down well.

Surprising Fact: The Ancient Romans Had a Great Funeral Pick-Up Line

They'd say, "Valete, et in pace quiescite." Which translates to, "Farewell, and rest in peace." Now, that's a classy way to say goodbye. But we're not ancient Romans, so let's move on.

What Should You Say?

Here's a simple formula: Keep it short, keep it sweet, and keep it sincere.

Start with something like, "I'm so sorry to hear about your loss." It's simple, it's sincere, and it shows that you care. Bonus points if you mention the person who passed away by name. "I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, John." See? Easy.

Then, if you knew the person who passed away, share a happy memory. "I'll always remember Uncle Bob's terrible jokes and his even worse dancing." This shows that you're thinking of the good times, and it might even make them smile.

Surprising Fact: Laughter is the Best Medicine

Well, according to Hippocrates, it is. So, if you can make them laugh, go for it. Just make sure it's appropriate and not at the expense of the deceased. We're not monsters, remember?

If you didn't know the person, that's okay too. "I didn't know your mom, but I know how much she meant to you. If you ever want to talk, I'm here." See? Easy peasy.

What Not To Do

Here's a quick list of things to avoid:

• Don't say "Let me know if there's anything you need." Unless you really mean it. Because if they call you up at 3 AM to help them bury the body (metaphorically speaking), you don't want to be caught off guard.
• Don't make it about you. "I lost my grandma last year, so I know exactly how you feel." No, you don't. You had your own experience, and that's valid, but this isn't the time to one-up their grief.
• Don't say "Time heals all wounds." It doesn't. Some wounds never heal. They just... hurt less after a while.

Surprising Fact: The Average Person Will Experience the Death of 50 People in Their Lifetime

That's according to a study by the University of Arizona. So, chances are, you'll have plenty of opportunities to practice what to say. Let's make them count.

Finally, Follow Up

Grief doesn't just disappear after the funeral. So, check in on them. Send a text, give them a call, or drop by with some cookies. "I was thinking about you. How are you holding up?" It's simple, it's sincere, and it shows that you care.

And if all else fails, just remember: You're not there to fix anything. You're there to listen. So, listen. And if you can't think of anything to say, that's okay. Sometimes, a hug and a silent presence are all that's needed.

And there you have it. You're now equipped to handle any awkward, sad, or downright weird situation that comes your way. You're welcome. Now, go forth and be the grief whisperer you were always meant to be.